Woman’s Entire Life Lived In Delusion

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April 9, 2015 - Local

According to multiple sources, locally-born accountant and artist Betsy-Ann Gallagher lived her entire life, from the moment she exited her mother’s womb to her untimely death at the hands of listeria-ridden cabbage last Tuesday, in complete and utter delusion.

Her family confirmed such details to The Pasadenoid. Her sister, Rebekah, said that she does not remember a time in her sister’s life when she had any idea what was going on in reality.

“I remember when she was born she was so clueless. She would grasp at objects and just straight up miss. Or act like she was talking to someone but just be speaking gibberish.”

Sources say Gallagher’s fantasy continued well into her toddler and preteen years. Her mother Allison recalls such misinterpretations from her schoolyard days.

“I remember one day she came home from school and said, ‘Mom! I showed all the kids my Sesame Street backpack and they all thought I was so cool!’ I knew right then and there my poor Betsy-Ann and her ridiculous-looking backpack was not able to properly judge how other people felt about her.”

This reckless misconstruction of reality continued well into her teen years, when she reportedly became convinced of such fabrications that a perfectly free market would be the most efficient economic system, and that high school running back Jake Thomas wanted to take her to prom.

“Everyone gets a little delusional during their teen years,” said Allison.

“But I’ve never seen someone just get every single detail about the experience of life completely and utterly wrong.”

Gallagher’s delusion reportedly continued well into her adult years, when she thought a car accident in Utah was a sign that God wanted her to move to the deep South and paint.

“I mean, where the hell did that one come from?” said her boyfriend at the time, Paul Ono.

“Nothing about that accident had anything to do with painting or the South. She was rear-ended at a stoplight by a Canadian. I mean…I just couldn’t understand where she was getting this stuff.”

Her family says near the time of her death, Gallagher told friends she was enjoying some ‘romaine lettuce’ when she began to feel ill. Believing herself to be suffering from an anxiety attack, Gallagher did not seek medical treatment and passed away from the poisoned cabbage in her bedroom later that evening.

“We hope she’s in a better, more realistic place,” said Rebekah.

“We don’t know where that place is. But we’re fairly confident if she’s still out there, wherever she is, she’s not where she thinks she is.”