Travel: 37 Hours In Carlsbad, CA
June 28, 2016 - Universe
By Nick Banning, Travel Correspondent
I’ve just arrived in Carlsbad after a breezy drive down the I-5. I enter the Cape Rey Carlsbad (1 Ponto Rd, Carlsbad, CA 92011) to find a gorgeous craftsman-inspired hotel with a pool and free breakfast. I’m looking forward to a relaxing weekend in this resort city!
After checking in at the hotel, I decide to hit the town and grab a bite to eat. I wander into the splendid Pronto’s Gourmet Market (2812 Roosevelt St, Carlsbad, CA 92011), known for their unique sandwiches and fresh seasonal salads.
I’m helped by the charming Lisa Pronto, whose father Reggie owns the place. I engage in a warm conversation with Lisa; in fact it seems like she understands me well. We start off talking about sights in Carlsbad but soon enough we’re having an epic discussion about life, love, nature, and science.
On my way out, a local tells me “Don’t get involved with Lisa Pronto, son. Trust me on that.”
I’m up early to hit the links! I have a 9:00 tee time at the Rancho Carlsbad Golf Club (5200 El Camino Real, Carlsbad, CA 92010). As I’m about to head there, I receive a text from an unknown number:
Nick, it’s Lisa. From yesterday. I want to see you again.
This is strange. I’m fairly confident I didn’t give her my number. But I can’t resist the temptation to meet such a stunning, incredible woman again. I agree to meet her.
Lisa and I meet for a heavenly picnic at Carlsbad State Beach (7201 Carlsbad Blvd, Carlsbad, CA 92008). She tells me about her life…she has always dreamed of travelling but her parents make her work every day in the market. She has dreams of visiting space, even.
She’s fascinated by my work as a travel correspondent. She asks me about the places I’ve visited and whether people from out of town are friendly. I tell her people are pretty much the same everywhere. This intrigues her.
I’ve spent the entire day with Lisa. I’m pretty sure I’m in love. I’ve never felt this way about another person, and I think I want to marry her.
She tells me she was actually adopted, and her real family is still looking for her. She asks me to help her find them. I have no idea what she’s talking about but I tell her I will do everything I can. She is ecstatic.
We kiss. Heaven.
Lisa then says she needs to leave, but wants me to meet her in the middle of the night at the entrance to Legoland. This seems odd, but she tells me we were fated to meet and this is the next step. She asks me to bring a Ham radio. I don’t know what the deal is but I have to see where this leads.
Ok, I’m starting to think that guy in the cafe was right about Lisa. I’m on top of the Sky Cruiser at Legoland (1 Legoland Dr, Carlsbad, CA 92008). Lisa is wearing a tinfoil necklace around her neck and is asking me to point the radio in different directions to search for a signal from space.
This woman must be nuts. I have no idea what’s going on here, I’m just praying she doesn’t jump. I try to calm her down but she won’t listen to me. She takes the radio from me and turns the dials.
Lisa tells me there’s something I must know. She is an alien from a different dimension. She was brought to earth as an infant to study the planet because her species is concerned that humans may be too destructive to exist. She must report back to them what she has found. I try to call the police but I have no cell phone reception.
I tell Lisa we should get down from here. I ask her if there’s a doctor or someone she usually talks to about stuff like this. She says there is but he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Great. Somehow all this didn’t come up at our romantic beach picnic. What have I gotten myself into?
OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. Lisa just told me she needs to reveal her true form to me. Then she took off her FACE…and behind it was this crazy reptilian-looking multicolored head. What the hell is going on right now. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW.
There is no God. Not like the one we learned about anyway. In reality there are aliens in multiple dimensions, talking to each other and meddling in the matters of lesser-developed species. Oh my God. This is everything. All the truth about everything. Jesus.
A bright light appers in the distance as the Ham radio begins to glow. The light gets closer and appears to be some sort of giant orb.
Lisa tells me goodbye. I ask her when I’ll see her again….she says in 10 years when she returns to annihilate the human species. She enters the orb and disappears.
It’s been a bizarre night. I’ve just returned to the hotel and am trying to process everything that happened. Was it a dream? Did I go on a meth bender again like Fresno? It’s all so confusing.
Somehow, all I can think about is how much I will miss Lisa. Despite all the craziness, all the mind-shattering truths, I know we had a special connection. I don’t know if I will ever find that kind of love again.
I head down to the lobby and check out early from my hotel. Carlsbad doesn’t seem the same without Lisa, and I just want to go home.
Sigh. 10 years is a long time to wait.