Town Dunce Killed By Hit-And-Run Driver

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January 10, 2017 - Local

According to Pasadena Police officials, town dunce Jeffrey Skiggs was killed early this morning after he was struck by a vehicle on the 710 freeway extension. Witnesses say Skiggs was performing a silly dance for onlookers on the shoulder of the southbound side of the highway when he was clipped by a red Durango driving over the speed limit.

“He was skipping around and singing some song about honey bees when he just got slammed by the Durango,” said Beatrice Dodd, who was on the road at the time.

“Really a shame. That guy always knew how to put a smile on my face,” she added.

Police are asking the public for help locating the suspect’s vehicle. In the meantime, funeral arrangements are being planned for the man who blessed the city with his idiocy for generations.

“He’s been the dunce since my pappy was in school,” lamented Joseph Staubach, 86.

“He had a good run. But it’s dangerous out on those roads in the early morning,” he said.