Sources: Tim Kaine Scared Shitless By CIA Briefing


September 8, 2016 - Universe

According to sources, vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine has appeared remarkably changed since his top-secret CIA briefing this morning, including looking more pale, frantic, and uneasy.

“Apparently he was scared shitless,” said a member of his campaign staff.

“He’s constantly sweating and his eyes are always darting back and forth. And sometimes he looks into the night sky and starts shaking his fist at the stars and crying,” the staff member added.

His family says they have seen changes in Kaine as well. His soon Woody told The Pasadenoid he doesn’t enjoy things he used to before.

“Dad used to love going fishing with me,” he told our newspaper.

“But now when I ask him to go with me, he grabs my shoulders and shakes me really hard and says things like ‘We can’t go fishing because the aliens are going to kill us! Ok?! Kill us all! Any second now!!’” he added.

Kaine is expected to speak at an event in Charlotte, North Carolina tomorrow. Campaign officials say to expect “a few brief, terrified words.”