Thriving Public Library Offers Momentary Illusion That American Institutions Not Crumbling To Shit


December 1, 2015 - Local

According to sources, the recent success of the Pasadena Central Library offers a temporary mirage of American stability; as patrons are able to temporarily forget that the majority of beloved cultural institutions are crumbling to dust.

“It’s amazing to see a public service actually work, and have people take advantage of it,” said head librarian Leslie Jacobs.

“Sure, most folks are here for the coffee cart. But we’ll take it,” she added.

Pasadena resident Ronald Jones says the popular locale offers an oasis from the many problems facing the country.

“When you’re in there, it doesn’t seem like American infrastructure is literally crumbling to the ground around us,” he told The Pasadenoid.

“You almost forget that we’re on a path to living in an apocalyptic hellscape triggered by climate change where everyone has 3-d printed assault rifles and is engaged in a constant turf war for access to water sources,” he said.

“Plus you can buy drugs from the guy at the coffee cart,” he added.