#TBT Historical ClickBait No, Actually Lincoln’s Gettysburg Speech Insulted The Troops. Here’s How.


May 19, 2015 - Universe

From the November 21, 1863 Edition of The Pasadenoid

Abe Lincoln’s speech Thursday is already being hailed as another “eloquent” “triumph” by the Merry Band of Commander-In-Thief psycophants. I’ll admit Abe is eloquent. Actually that’s part of the problem; Lincoln uses his eloquence to cover up for his vacuity and, in the case of the Gettysburg Address, downright dismissiveness of the troops.

Let’s start with the beginning so I can untie the knots Dishonest Abe created with his confusing speech. First, he starts by saying we are “a new nation, conceived in Liberty” in a “great civil war testing whether … any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure.” Woah. Let’s step back a second. Is Lincoln saying that the troops might lose because America was conceived in liberty? Sorry, Abe, but last I checked liberty is why our troops will win.

Then, bizarrely, Lincoln asserts that its “proper and fitting” that we dedicate a portion of the Gettysburg Battlefield to the troops who died there only to backtrack immediately. “We can not dedicate — we can not consecrate — we can not hallow — this ground,” Lincoln stated. That sounds a flip-flop to me. And a rather offensive one at that. Mr. Lincoln, yes we can hallow this ground!

Of course, I’m sure some of the Lincoln Loggerheads are going to say that I’m misinterpreting and that, as usual, Lincoln’s high-minded rhetoric doesn’t mean what it sounds like it means. Well, maybe silly, uneducated me don’t understand big words good enough for the 16th president’s crowd of abolitionist elites and Quaker Oafs.

But shouldn’t he be more careful for the rest of us? After all, there were several hundred troops in attendance at the speech. Maybe Lincoln can’t dedicate, consecrate, or hallow, properly but our troops sure can! And Lincoln shouldn’t imply otherwise.