Leaked Documents Reveal Mayor’s 2030 Masterplan Consists Solely Of Banner That Says ‘Pasadena 2030′

August 22, 2016

Leaked documents obtained by The Pasadenoid reveal that a masterplan for Pasadena for the next 24 years, entitled the “2030 Pasadena Masterplan’, contains no other actual plans than to have a banner. Mayor Robert Sanchez addressed the leak at a press conference this afternoon. “Well, first of all, it’s going to be a really nice banner. We…

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Mayor Admits He’s Been Zoning Out For Last 3 Terms

June 16, 2016

In a shockingly candid speech, Mayor Robert Sanchez admitted he hasn’t been paying much attention to his job or city matters for his last three terms. “I’ve been kind of spacey lately. Not really focused on work stuff. The city seems ok though right?” he asked reporters outside of city hall while perusing on his…

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City Council: Nothing Stopping Us From Erecting Statue Of Willem Dafoe

April 15, 2016

In a surprisingly candid moment, members of Pasadena’s City Council acknowledged that there was relatively nothing stopping them from erecting a statue of Willem Dafoe in the town’s Memorial Park. “Realistically, we could commission a $19,000 statue of Willem Dafoe to be put in the park, and no one would bat an eye,” said council-member…

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Top 5 Places In Pasadena To Change Cell Phone Carriers

February 7, 2016

5.  Your House Why leave the comfort of your home just to make a few phone calls? Plus, any paperwork you might need for the transition is likely in your house. Sometimes the simplest solution is also the best. 4. Cell Phone Tower On Rosemead Blvd. Stand next to the tower so you can tell…

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From the Mayor’s Office: What Happened To The Funds For Pasadena’s New Bus System

August 30, 2015

by Mayor Robert Sanchez 1.6 million dollars. Whew, that was a lot of cash. It was my big shot. My chance to make a real impact and affirm my legacy as the greatest mayor in the history of this great town of Pasadena. 1.6 million dollars to make the most high-flying, zip-lining, rootinest’, tootinest’, snacks…

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Editorial: I’ve Lived In This Town For 31 Years And Haven’t Been Invited To One Group Sex Party

August 3, 2015

by Teresa Lewis, Pasadena Can I ask you all a question? How is that I’ve lived and done business in this town for 30 years and yet have not been invited to one single group sex party? Not a single darn one. How do you explain that? You’d think if you spend enough time in…

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Top 6 Places In Pasadena To Realize You Should Have Finished Getting That Nursing Degree

April 11, 2015

6. Memorial Park The reflective ambiance will allow you to fully process just how close you were to having a professional degree that would have offered opportunities regardless of whether you wanted to be a nurse or not. 5. Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles Seeing the pounds of fat, grease, and sugar will remind you of the difference in the…

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Council Outlaws Filling In Potholes On Mayor’s Street

November 25, 2014

Council unanimously passed an ordinance Tuesday evening that outlawed the fixing of holes in the asphault of Wimberly Lane where Mayor Robert Sanchez lives. Members insisted that the ordinance had nothing to do with the fact that Mayor Sanchez lives on Wimberly Lane. “The notion that we’re somehow using our council seats to fulfill a…

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