So Trump Has Declared Himself Emperor. Does Anyone Really Care?

September 10, 2017

By Hugh Lavishly, Monrovia Here we go again. Trump is in the news for saying something “controversial.” This time he says he would prefer to be an emperor than a president. Of course the mainstream media has turned this into the next big controversy, claiming it spells gloom and doom for the concept of democracy…

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191 Words You Should Never Say In A Job Interview

October 20, 2015

Titface Crackpipe Aliens Fortitude Klan Poopy Dagger Skedaddle Molestation Whippersnapper Messianic Conjuring Fibbing Fools Snippy Diddle Diddler Nugget Sneezy Sideboob Aye yai yai Pencildick Spinster Laundering Crackley Ribbit West Virginia Self-mutilating Shitbird Humps Cunteater Utilize (use means the exact same thing so utilize is pretentious) Goyishercop Tallywag Goober Lebenstraum Ayo! Irregardless Duck-faced Thousand-year-reich Stuck his…

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AT&T and DirecTV Combine Forces To Form Worst Customer Service Experience In History

October 18, 2015

Mega-corporations AT&T and DirecTV announced this weekend they will be teaming up to exercise the worst customer service in the history of mankind. “For many years, AT&T and DirecTV have provided customers with historically awful assistance reminiscent of a pile of horse shit,” said Dane Lang with AT&T. “But now, these two hated institutions will…

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EDITORIAL: Oh Stock Market! What Have We Done To Upset Ye?

August 25, 2015

by Brian T. Moynihan Oh Stock Market! Oh Mightiest of Markets! Why do you breathe such hate? Why do you cause such chaos! Why are your numbers so shitty? What have we done to upset Ye, oh Stockiest Of Trading Places? Have we not pleased Ye? Have we not sacrificed everything to Ye? Our country?…

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