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Only Thing Stopping Man From Becoming Professional Surfer Is Debilitating Fear Of Crabs

January 24, 2017

According to sources, the only thing preventing Jason Walker of South Pasadena from becoming a professional surfer is a traumatizing fear of crabs and other crab-like creatures. “Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!” he shouted when we asked for his opinion on crabs. Jason’s wife Susanita says it’s a pity her husband’s talents are going to waste. “I’ve seen him…

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Culture: How The Lyrics To “Copacabana” Remain Relevant In 2016

June 2, 2016

By Jem Winthrop, culture critic “Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl.” So begins the 1978 Barry Manilow classic that continues to mesmerize lounge audiences to this day. And although”Copacabana” represented an idealism of a different America from today, it’s clear many of the song’s virtues still resonate in 2016. But first, some history. The…

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Romance Blog: 10 Things to Say to Your Lover in Bed to Make Them Think You Have Schizophrenia

July 18, 2014

10. I think we should discuss revising our hypostates. 9. For seventeen years I dreaded the optimum warfare…SEVENTEEN YEARS I WAS STILL INTACT. 8. Remember the tale of ole Munson, who spent so much time swallowing interplays he was arrested for peeing in the cup. 7. Tell me, have you ever witnessed a node travelling…

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