Subtext Translation: Trump At The Stump
January 18, 2016 - Universe
Our language expert has translated Donald Trump’s latest speech at the Iowa Freedom Summit into subtext. A transcript of the original text can be found here.
Dear White People,
Scary. World is scary. People want to hurt you. Unknown is scary. Black abyss. Death. Pain. Fear. Unknown.
Trump good. Trump protect you from scary. When Trump president, you safe. You take warm comfy bath with bubbles. And have cake. And nice massage. Happiness. Safety.
If Hillary Clinton president, you are alone. You are all alone in the world, facing the brutal cold winter of humanity’s evil. Shaking. Crying. People want to hurt you. The unknown. Scary. Could be bad. You are ignorant child.
President Trump tuck you in. Kiss you. Give you chocolates. Trump speak in warm soothing voice. You feel better. All ok. All ok with Trump.
Trump is your dad. If you don’t know what to do or say, ask Trump. Trump knows. Trump knows everything, so you don’t have to worry about the unknown. Trump kill all the bad people. So you can take warm bath and have no fear.
Shh. Shhhhhh little one. Sleep. When Trump president, you can sleep tight. Warm and good.
Democrats and ISIS want you to die alone. Want to make you scared. Want to make you and your children have horrible fear.
Trump good and make you warm. Oh yeah, and make America great again or whatever.