Study Finds Link Between Mania, Defecating With A Hat On

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November 6, 2016 - Universe

A new study out of Northern Illinois University of Wisconsin suggests a possible link between psychosis and defecating with a unique hat on.

Specifically, the study found that participants who defecate with a hat on are 18% more likely to experience symptoms of “mania”, a condition which details having a highly elevated mood.

“Our study found a direct link between feelings of mania and hat-wearing in the bathroom,” said Dr. Ken Rosenthall, director of the research initiative.

“Also, it appears that the sillier that hat is, the greater chance the person wearing it is manic.”

Local resident Wilma Carter says the study does not reflect the reality of her struggle with mania.

“Who the fuck is funding these studies?” she said.