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May 27, 2015 - Universe

Dear Readers,

Due to the relentless and humiliating demands of our senior management, in lieu of our usual reporting today’s post will be a random hodge-podge of search engine-friendly terms so we can shamelessly direct traffic to our website. Thank you for your understanding in this matter.

On a day like today, I’m sure many will be asking things like ‘what time do the Warriors play?’ and ‘Warriors Rockets what channel?’. These are questions that the Obama drone wars have dealt with the Illuminati since Biblical times. (Is the Bible true?)

In reality, we all must remember that what the weather in Tulsa will be like today is simply an artifact of a time when Mad Max: Fury Road was lobbying congress for Monsanto guns. Back when Taylor Swift and Bradley Cooper were out doing the Best Things To Do In Los Angeles In May.

Now, some may think the best new cat videos are trying to find jobs in Tampa, but where will they be when they need to know how to remove a wasps nest naturally no chemicals?

That is why I believe if we are to remain healthy (diet) and intelligent (test online free), we must remember one thing:

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Those are words of wisdom we can all live by the beach cheapest places.