Romance Blog: How To Approach A Woman, Because They’re All Exactly The Same

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September 18, 2016 - Universe

by Dean Schnab, Romance Expert

The dating world can be difficult, especially for people who have no social skills or are evil manipulative psychos (or both like me!). But have no fear. I’m here to offer some tips that will help any man or woman, no matter how freakish, approach a woman about going on a date:

Step 1: Say “Hi, Stacy, how’s it going?”

The first thing to know about women is that they’re all named Stacy. So when you approach a woman in public you’re going to want to say her name. That way she will know that you are referring to her. Anything like “Hey there Stacy!” or “Hello Stacy” will do.

Step 2: Engage her with conversation about pop culture. 

Women love a guy who knows a thing or two about culture. Especially the culture of Romania. That’s because women were raised in Romania with their fathers until they were twelve and he died. Then they went to live with their aunt and uncle in Rochester, NY.

So saying something like, “Hey there Stacy! Have you heard the new Inna album?” will be guaranteed to get you at least a second date with any woman.

Step 3: Be confident and assertive. 

Women love a guy that is self-assured and assertive. That is because when they were in high school they were elected to student council, and chose to invest in a new popcorn machine that went haywire and killed three other students on Halloween movie night. Since that time, women prefer others make decisions, because they are haunted by the feeling that those deaths were all their fault. They also spend every Halloween crying in their bed.

Step 4: Put it all together!

Ok, let’s apply what we’ve learned. Here’s a great way to approach a woman if you’re interested in getting a date:

You: Hey Stacey! How are you?

Woman: Excuse me?

You: Have you seen any good Romanian films lately? Let’s go see one right now! I know you don’t like making decisions because of your PTSD.

Woman: Ok.

So there you go! Good luck out there guys and girls! The Stacey of your dreams is just a carefully calculated conversation meant to somehow apply to every individual woman in the world away!