New Soda Tax Won’t Apply To Mr. Pibb After Aggressive Lobbying Campaign

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March 26, 2017 - Local

According to information obtained by The Pasadenoid, Pasadena’s new city-wide soda tax will apply to every brand of cola except for Mr. Pibb after an aggressive lobbying campaign.

“Master Pibb will not allow sales to drop,” said his spokesperson, a giant cherry.

“Yes, he would be none too pleased. That’s why he had to do some dirty work, as Master so often does,” he added.

City Councilman Jeffrey Russo, who authored the bill, says Pibb’s lobbying had nothing to do with his decision to remove the brand from the list of taxed sodas.

“It wasn’t really lobbying, as much as it was threatening,” he said.

“I have no idea how he found out about that night in Madagascar. This whole time I had been thinking I got away with it,” he added.

In the meantime, Pibb’s spokesperson says the soft drink will continue to lobby against causes that threaten his well-being.

“Master needs his wealth. Without it, he would have nothing.” he said.

› tags: evil / lobbying / soda /