Report: It Only Wednesday


September 6, 2016 - Universe

Following an exhaustive investigative report by our newspaper, The Pasadenoid has confirmed that it’s only Wednesday today.

The report suggests  that even though this week is a shortened one due to the holiday on Monday, somehow only one work day has elapsed and there are still three workdays left to go this week.

“Ah shit,” said local resident Robert Samm after turning off his alarm clock and realizing he would still have to do that two more times this week.

“I hate time. I hate it! It’s making me crazy,” he added.

Police Chief Lou Williams says residents shouldn’t call 911 to complain about the realization that it’s only Wednesday.

“Folks we only have like 2 lines right now due to budget cuts so you should really only call if you think you’re dying or there’s a problem at Denny’s,” he said.