Radical Lifestyle Change Required For Man Too Cook Meal For Himself Tonight
Sources have confirmed to The Pasadenoid that it would take a massive overhaul of local resident Jim Kreiger’s lifestyle in order for him to cook a meal for himself tonight.
Kreiger’s family and friends say it would not be as simple as Jim going to the grocery store and getting ingredients to follow a simple recipe.
“Jim would need to learn the essentials of cooking first; how to light a gas stove, how to cut things with a knife…I’m not sure he’d be ready for an actual meal anytime soon,” his mother Deidre told our newspaper.
“He tried to make grilled cheese in the microwave once and it came out looking like radioactive waste,” she added.
Kreiger’s roommate Dan confirmed much of what his mother said about his cooking habits.
“This dude doesn’t own pots or pans…or even plates. He usually eats out of styrofoam containers from takeout restaurants,” he told The Pasadenoid.
“So, no, I don’t think making something as complicated as scrambled eggs is going to happen without some sort of intervention,” he said.