Prison Time Cures Local Man’s Schizophrenia

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August 23, 2016 - Local

According to sources, local resident Richard Jeffrie’s severe schizophrenia was completely and permanently healed following his completion of a 3-year sentence at the Pasadena Jail.

“I’m cured!” he told a crowd who gathered at the jailhouse as he took his first few steps of freedom this afternoon.

Jeffries was originally charged with assaulting an officer in 2010, during an incident in which he was asking a police officer for help because he had lost his medication down a drainage pipe.

According to the police report, Jeffries became “violent and irate” after the officer told him to “go fuck himself.”

Jeffries says while he was upset with the sentence at the time, in retrospect he is glad it cured his very serious mental condition.

“It’s great! After numerous rapes and beatings, I realized, ‘I should not be insane anymore!’” he said.

“Suddenly it all made sense. So now I’m sane again,” he added with a wink and a thumbs up.

As for his future plans, Jeffries says he hopes to be able spend time travelling.

“I have a date with Igra the Moon-Doctor in dimension RYX9,” he told The Pasadenoid.

“In fact I zygzorded him like a little jove-boy just so we could meet nine times,” he said.