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Top 8 Places in Pasadena for a Good Cry

May 14, 2014

8. Granny’s Old Fashioned Pie Shop: Poor Granny just doesn’t have the energy for this anymore. Your ducts will be  glistening as you watch her struggle to get up from her chair to take take your order, and stumble and curse to herself as she prepares it. Be careful though; you might end up bawling…

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Review: ‘Splendor of the Orcas’ Exhibit at the Aquarium of the Pacific

May 13, 2014

 by Claire Stanley, 16 year-old news intern When Janine told me that this year’s Pasadena High School Sophomore Formal would be held at the aquarium, my response was candid and simple: I don’t give a shit, I’m just trying to get crunk tonight. And it turned out that the ‘Splendor of the Orcas’ exhibit was…

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Crime

May 13, 2014

Timmy Jefferson, closer for the Pasadena Bears, our premiere little league squad, robbed Pasadena of its dignity yesterday when he gave up a three-run homer in the ninth inning to a boy who looked like he had sickle cell anemia.

In Memoriam

May 13, 2014

Marco Lopez, of East Pasadena, passed away yesterday after slipping on a skateboard, falling into a manhole, being carried away by the tide of sewage to an underground vagrant community, becoming a rebel leader against the existing Sewer King, assuming the role of New Leader of the Sewer Republic, and choking on a piece of…

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Spotlight: Why I Stuck That Parking Ticket Where I Did

May 12, 2014

By Richard Sampson, Pasadena  In life, there are some decisions that have a significant weight to them. They are not of the type you make every day, like choosing a dressing for your salad or a beet sauce for your fried okra. Some decisions are more meaningful and have far-reaching consequences that can follow you…

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Public Service Announcement

May 11, 2014

PSA to dogwalkers: if you have a dog, please be responsible. When you take him or her for a walk, either bring a bag or wait until you are back in the house so that you can poop in a toilet.

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Sports: Bears Defeat Tigers

May 10, 2014

In a thrilling series between two of earth’s most venerable species, Bears defeated Tigers after a lengthy display of bloody conflicts. The action got off to a thrilling start when several Bears mauled a sleeping Tiger in East Asia.  Tigers responded by launching an all-out attack on Bears, using their sharp teeth and claws to…

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