Stephen Miller

Editorial: I May Be Lying, But My Opinion Matters

February 12, 2017

by Stephen Miller, Trump Spokesperson Look guys. I get what you are all saying about the immigration issue. You make some very compelling arguments about why we shouldn’t ban a religious population from entering the USA. I understand your side of it. And the truth is, if I’m speaking honestly, I completely agree with you. Trump’s…

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Resident Spotlight: Bill Samuels, Accountant

February 4, 2017

The Pasadenoid: So, you’re an accountant, huh? Bill Samuels Yep. The Pasadenoid Ok…yikes this is so boring already. Bill Samuels  Why did you even invite me to do this in the first place? The Pasadenoid I don’t know. We were probably high. Is there anything about your life that is remotely interesting at all? Bill…

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Report: More Americans Yelling At Inanimate Objects

February 3, 2017

A report released eariler this week suggests that more Americans are taking out their frustrations on lifeless objects than ever before. “Fuck you, chair!” said Leslie Jones of Altadena after stubbing her toe on the object. Researchers point to increased stress, anxiety, and annoying technologies that talk to you as possible causes of the phenomenon….

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Phone Scammer Who Made Local News Kind Of Impressed With Himself

January 28, 2017

According to sources, a man responsible for a series of phone scams targeting senior citizens in Pasadena has become impressed with himself after his scam was covered by the local news. “Wow. I always thought I was a good scammer, but I didn’t realize I was quite at this level,” he told The Pasadenoid. “They’re doing…

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Editorial: If Only Photoshop Were Real

January 27, 2017

by Daniel Gregg, Altadena If only. If only it were real. That the images expressed in this mystical Adobe program could reflect a reality as true as our own. If only it were a mirror, without the contorted twists, the disfigurement of the realm of fantasy. Alas! It is not so. This Photoshop image is…

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Only Thing Stopping Man From Becoming Professional Surfer Is Debilitating Fear Of Crabs

January 24, 2017

According to sources, the only thing preventing Jason Walker of South Pasadena from becoming a professional surfer is a traumatizing fear of crabs and other crab-like creatures. “Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!” he shouted when we asked for his opinion on crabs. Jason’s wife Susanita says it’s a pity her husband’s talents are going to waste. “I’ve seen him…

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Local War Hero Demands Answers To Why His Omelette Is Taking So Long

January 15, 2017

According to staff and patrons at the Denny’s on Colorado Blvd., local war hero Dale Roberts is standing up to demand answers to why his breakfast has taken over seven minutes to arrive. “Everyday I come here at 6:30 am and order an omelette. And most days, it doesn’t take nearly this long,” announced the decorated veteran…

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Editorial: We Can Call It TrumpCare, Can I Just Not Die From Leukemia?

January 15, 2017

by Rebecca Donaldson, Pasadena Look guys, I’ll be honest. I know Obamacare has a lot of critics. And I know there is a strong political component to this debate. But can we just change the name to Trumpcare and be done with it? I’m really trying to not die from Leukemia here. I get it….

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Editorial: Is This Love?

January 13, 2017

by Raymont Jeffries, South Pasadena  Hey guys, I have a question for you. I’ve been dealing with this…issue…and I’m trying to figure out if it’s love or something else? I have a weird fuzzy feeling in the bottom of my stomach. It feels kind of good but sometimes it feels scary. I also have been…

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Town Dunce Killed By Hit-And-Run Driver

January 10, 2017

According to Pasadena Police officials, town dunce Jeffrey Skiggs was killed early this morning after he was struck by a vehicle on the 710 freeway extension. Witnesses say Skiggs was performing a silly dance for onlookers on the shoulder of the southbound side of the highway when he was clipped by a red Durango driving…

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