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Strobing Billboards Are a Bit Much, Says Man in Ditch

May 29, 2014

I hope that this letter doesn’t inconvenience you.

Driving is a dangerous proposition these days. Last year, more than 30,000 people died in vehicle-related accidents.

Public Service Announcement

May 28, 2014

Carmichael Finch was last seen Tuesday night wearing a sweet pork pie hat. Does anyone know where he got that pork pie hat? Also, he’s missing.

Crime

May 27, 2014

Local police are investigating an incident involving a puppy wearing a top hat who was mauled by a bespectacled kitten in a bouncy castle. Police are calling it the cutest tragedy they’ve ever seen.

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Editorial: Let’s Make This Town So Weird We All Agree We Took It Too Far

May 27, 2014

by Jake Sanford, Pasadena You know, I can’t help notice that other cities like Portland and Austin are some of the fastest growing cities in the nation. Why isn’t Pasadena on such a list? We’ve got a good thing going here, so what are we missing? After further investigation, I’ve discovered that these cities are…

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Crime

May 22, 2014

Police still on lookout for man-boy who robbed local convenience store of all its Pop-Tarts and Fruit Roll-Ups.

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Review: Meth-addled Fever Dream

May 21, 2014

By Bert Jones, culture critic 2 Stars I don’t have a lot of meth-addled fever dreams these days. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found that I just don’t have the energy to go all the way to the movie theater, purchase a ticket, go to theater 7, and execute a quick drug deal with the…

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Divorce

May 20, 2014

Jennifer and Nathaniel Power are sad to announce that, despite eight years of marital bliss, they will be splitting up. They have been married for 24 years.

In Memoriam

May 17, 2014

George McMann died tuesday of a broken heart after his wife left him and, more specifically, he suffered a heart attack.

Public Service Announcement

May 16, 2014

To people named ‘Craig’: Betty’s Souvenir Shop on Walnut and Colorado has recently acquired license plate key chains with your name on it.

Crime

May 16, 2014

Lt. James Sanders says city police are investigating an unspeakable incident at the Pasadena School for the Mute.