Guess Who Just Did A Mothafucking Handstand?

June 11, 2014

Awwwww shit! You bitches see that? Did ANY of you mothafucking bitches see that? Shut it down. Just shut it down. Wrap it up because this shit is over. It’s over. I just changed the game. I just did a mothafucking handstand. Y’all scared? Y’all look shook, Gymboree of South Pasadena. And with good fuckin’…

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In Memoriam

June 10, 2014

After being told by Lauren that Katy indeed cheated on Jeremy with Becky’s boyfriend, local high schooler Jenna Fitzpatrick “just diiieeeed”.  Jenna is survived by her close friends Becca, Rachel, and Nikki who reportedly “can’t even.”


June 9, 2014

Police arrest renegade forensic expert who doesn’t play by the rules on multiple charges of breaking and entering and simple assault following attempt to “swab every last inch of this town until he finds Lucy’s killer!”


Nation Has Mixed Feelings After Google Unveils New Wi-fi Obelisk

June 9, 2014

Americans across the country registered deep feelings of ambivalence this week after the unveiling of Google’s new “Wi-FiObelisk,” a pointed, 120-foot pillar that offers free Wi-Fi to all within a 5-mile radius. “Google is proud to provide free Wi-Fi at 4-G speeds to the people of Washington, D.C.,” said CEO Larry Page. “This mighty Obelisk…

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Cheese & Co. Comics

June 6, 2014

Public Service Announcement

June 5, 2014

Remember, don’t fill your pens with white-out because then you won’t be able to read what you write unless you’re writing on paper that’s not white.

In Memoriam

June 4, 2014

7-year old Tommy Porter died yesterday after four harrowing days of being stuck in a well of dehydration and stupidity.


Editorial: The Second Ammendment Ought to Apply to Portable Cattle Prods

June 4, 2014

The 2nd Amendment codified the right of citizens to protect their life, liberty, and property. And yet, I have repeatedly been rebuked for attempting to carry a portable electric cattle prod in my hometown of Pasadena.


June 3, 2014

The McMorton family is proud to announce the marriage of Ronald McMorton and Cecilia Lopez. The Lopez family is not talking about the matter but hopes Cecilia “Gets her shit together and sends that white boy to the curb.”


Study Finds That Defunct Carbon Monoxide Detectors Only Rarely Result In Death Of A Beautiful Family

June 2, 2014

An intensive three-year study from the University of Arizona found that defunct carbon monoxide detectors result in the death of a beautiful family only in extremely atypical circumstances. The study was conducted by scientists who snuck into three thousand homes and disabled carbon monoxide detectors across all demographics. “Based on media reports, we expected disabled…

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