city hall

Mayor Robert Sanchez Overheard Pledging To “Jam ‘Puppy Bill’” Down Council’s “Motherfucking Throats”

June 23, 2014

Mayor Robert Sanchez was overheard yesterday afternoon in a microphone gaffe pledging tough measures to pass a bill that would make July 17 “Puppies are Cute Day.” “I’ll jam it down their motherfucking throats,” said Sanchez. “This is getting passed or every single one of those cocksuckers is gonna be in the doghouse bigtime come…

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Cheese & Co. Comics

June 20, 2014

Cheese shows the reader how a hobby can become a new career!

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Space: Asteroid Goes Whoosh! Zing! Kablam!

June 17, 2014

Breaking news from outer space- According to a team of astronomers and physicists, an asteroid has spun through a segment of the Andromeda galaxy and collided with a large fragment of a former moon, looking totally insane and making crazy noises in the process. “Whizzzz! Zeeeew, zing!” went the asteroid as it soared past thousands…

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In Memoriam

June 17, 2014

Pasadena resident Sam Wofford died Thursday, just long enough ago for it to be acceptable to reach out to Ms. Wofford for “lunch.”

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Editorial: What a Grown Man Does in the Privacy of His Sesame Street Kiddie Pool is None of Your Goddamn Business

June 16, 2014

It could be argued that property has been the source of all of mankind’s greatest struggles, dating as far back as Cain and Abel, and who knows, perhaps even further than that. In fact, this great country was founded on the principle that every man had the right to private property. SO DON’T YOU FUCKING…

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SPONSORED: Try Our New Belmont Steaks Special!

June 13, 2014

Come on down to Outback Steakhouse in downtown Pasadena for our new Belmont Steaks Special! Saddle up on the finest cuts of meat from all ten losing horses, grilled to perfection. And for a limited time only, get one California Cronut for free with the purchase of a bloomin onion. Take a bite of history…

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In Memoriam

June 12, 2014

Jason Staltz, known better by his superhero alias ‘Mighty M,’ was found crushed to death in a trash compactor this morning.

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Guess Who Just Did A Mothafucking Handstand?

June 11, 2014

Awwwww shit! You bitches see that? Did ANY of you mothafucking bitches see that? Shut it down. Just shut it down. Wrap it up because this shit is over. It’s over. I just changed the game. I just did a mothafucking handstand. Y’all scared? Y’all look shook, Gymboree of South Pasadena. And with good fuckin’…

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In Memoriam

June 10, 2014

After being told by Lauren that Katy indeed cheated on Jeremy with Becky’s boyfriend, local high schooler Jenna Fitzpatrick “just diiieeeed”.  Jenna is survived by her close friends Becca, Rachel, and Nikki who reportedly “can’t even.”

Crime

June 9, 2014

Police arrest renegade forensic expert who doesn’t play by the rules on multiple charges of breaking and entering and simple assault following attempt to “swab every last inch of this town until he finds Lucy’s killer!”