In Memoriam

June 27, 2014

Do you want to know what actually happened to your goldfish Timmy? It’s dead. Things die. They die and they don’t come back. Now for the love of God shut up and let me watch the game

In Memoriam

June 26, 2014

Local dog Lucky ordered and received the menu item “death by chocolate” Tuesday.

Public Service Announcement

June 24, 2014

Public schools to be closed tomorrow for some Jewish thing.

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Mayor Robert Sanchez Overheard Pledging To “Jam ‘Puppy Bill’” Down Council’s “Motherfucking Throats”

June 23, 2014

Mayor Robert Sanchez was overheard yesterday afternoon in a microphone gaffe pledging tough measures to pass a bill that would make July 17 “Puppies are Cute Day.” “I’ll jam it down their motherfucking throats,” said Sanchez. “This is getting passed or every single one of those cocksuckers is gonna be in the doghouse bigtime come…

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Cheese & Co. Comics

June 20, 2014

Cheese shows the reader how a hobby can become a new career!

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Space: Asteroid Goes Whoosh! Zing! Kablam!

June 17, 2014

Breaking news from outer space- According to a team of astronomers and physicists, an asteroid has spun through a segment of the Andromeda galaxy and collided with a large fragment of a former moon, looking totally insane and making crazy noises in the process. “Whizzzz! Zeeeew, zing!” went the asteroid as it soared past thousands…

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In Memoriam

June 17, 2014

Pasadena resident Sam Wofford died Thursday, just long enough ago for it to be acceptable to reach out to Ms. Wofford for “lunch.”

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Editorial: What a Grown Man Does in the Privacy of His Sesame Street Kiddie Pool is None of Your Goddamn Business

June 16, 2014

It could be argued that property has been the source of all of mankind’s greatest struggles, dating as far back as Cain and Abel, and who knows, perhaps even further than that. In fact, this great country was founded on the principle that every man had the right to private property. SO DON’T YOU FUCKING…

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SPONSORED: Try Our New Belmont Steaks Special!

June 13, 2014

Come on down to Outback Steakhouse in downtown Pasadena for our new Belmont Steaks Special! Saddle up on the finest cuts of meat from all ten losing horses, grilled to perfection. And for a limited time only, get one California Cronut for free with the purchase of a bloomin onion. Take a bite of history…

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In Memoriam

June 12, 2014

Jason Staltz, known better by his superhero alias ‘Mighty M,’ was found crushed to death in a trash compactor this morning.