October 19, 2017

Police are on the lookout for a missing laptop after someone sto- never mind here it is.


Editorial: What We’re Really Missing Is Wayne Gretzky’s Take On These Cultural And Political Issues

October 1, 2017

by Jim Horace, Pasadena resident and longtime Rangers fan There are a lot of people speaking out on issues related to race, police brutality, and other important political issues. I think that’s great. But there’s one voice that so far has provided little to no commentary on these issues. One voice that is desperately needed to…

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Editorial: Some Thoughts On Our Nation

September 22, 2017

by Ethan Schillinger, Pasadena Some people think America is on its last legs because it elected an egomaniac who is also racist and dumb. They think this is like when grandpas start babbling before we send them to the farm. That might be true but it might not be. America is 241 years old, but…

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So Trump Has Declared Himself Emperor. Does Anyone Really Care?

September 10, 2017

By Hugh Lavishly, Monrovia Here we go again. Trump is in the news for saying something “controversial.” This time he says he would prefer to be an emperor than a president. Of course the mainstream media has turned this into the next big controversy, claiming it spells gloom and doom for the concept of democracy…

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Report: John McCain To Take Short Break From Stroking Chin And Muttering “This Is Troubling”

July 3, 2017

According to sources on John McCain’s staff, the Senator will take a short break this afternoon from stroking his chin and muttering “this is troubling.” “This is troubling,” he said when approached by The Pasadenoid for a comment. Several McCain staffers told our newspaper they are becoming concerned that the Senator is losing touch with…

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Editorial: This Michael Phelps Race Is A Lose-Lose For Sharks Everywhere

June 18, 2017

by Winston Daniels, shark You have got to be kidding me. This is an absolute affront to sharks everywhere. Apparently some gangly human named Michael Phelps is going to attempt to race one of us in the water. This farce, my fellow sharks, is a lose-lose for our noble species. Please allow me to explain…

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Leaked: The Comey Memos

June 4, 2017

The Pasadenoid has obtained leaked memos from Comey’s personal file on his dealings with Donald Trump. We chose to publish them in hopes it would make us rich:  1.12.07 Omg! Tonight was the most embarrassing night ever! So I had to go to this stupid White House thing, which I didn’t want to go to at…

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Editorial: John, I Think You Should Get That Rash Checked Out

May 20, 2017

by Lorenne Davis, Altadena Hey John! Listen. I know you’re reading this. You’ve been ignoring my calls (and I don’t blame you for that), so I had to write a letter in your favorite local humor magazine to get this message across: I think you really need to get that rash on your upper thigh…

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Local Man Determined To Help Ed Werder Find New Job For Some Reason

April 27, 2017

Despite having no personal relationship with the man, a local resident is going out of his way to help recently unemployed NFL reporter Ed Werder. Werder had been a veteran for ESPN for years before being fired in a series of layoffs conducted by the organization this week. And now Pasadena resident Jim Sellers says…

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