OpEd: The Police Chief Needs To Be More Like In The Movies I Like

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June 14, 2015 - Local

By George Marlowe

Crime is down in Pasadena. And, while, obviously that is a good thing, the leadership of the Pasadena Police Force is still incredibly lacking. Specifically, Police Chief James McGuinty should be replaced

He is nothing like in noir movies like LA Confidential or Chinatown and, for this romantic beat journalist, it’s simply not acceptable. We’re almost in LA, for god’s sake!

Here is how I’d like my morning conversations with The Chief to go:

“Whatcha got for me, McGuinty?”

“Well, George, I got a double homicide in South Pasadena and an armed robbery at a bank downtown.”

“Give me the double, McGuinty. If it bleeds, it leads. That’s what I always say.”

“And I wish you’d stop saying that. You and your journalist buddies at The Pasadenoid are making this town look like a damn cum dumpster.”

“What can I say, McGuinty. What can I say.”

I’d then discover McGuinty was linked to the homicide and racketeering. I’d dig deeper, confront him, find out that he was framed, we’d team up, and take down the bad guys. Then, we’d cover the dirt to prevent the Rose Bowl Committee from finding out and moving our beloved parade.

Those third-rate Ivy League hacks would never stand to find that Pasadena has a seamy underbelly where buckets of cum have been metaphorically dumped as if it were the stomach a beautiful porn starlet who got off the bus at the San Fernando Valley with dreams of HBO After Dark and Vivid Entertainment and methodically made her way to Pasadena’s third rate smut films one lying agent, bukakke extravaganza, and crushed dream at a time.

She was one of the two killed in the Double Homicide. What a shame for such a beauty. This city never even gave the girl a (cum)shot.

Instead, we have McGuinty. Our conversations, sadly, go like this:

“Whatcha got for me McGuinty?”

“Please call me Ronald. Or Chief Bloom. Your obsession with the Irish police chief stereotype is absurd and inaccurate.”

“A double homicide in South Pasadena? An armed robbery downtown at least?!?!”

“Please get the fuck out of here. Security!! The crazy person from that online blog no one reads is here.”

It is clear to me the police chief needs to replaced with someone more fit for this role.

May I suggest a dame?