Only Thing Stopping Man From Becoming Professional Surfer Is Debilitating Fear Of Crabs

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January 24, 2017 - Local

According to sources, the only thing preventing Jason Walker of South Pasadena from becoming a professional surfer is a traumatizing fear of crabs and other crab-like creatures.

“Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!” he shouted when we asked for his opinion on crabs.

Jason’s wife Susanita says it’s a pity her husband’s talents are going to waste.

“I’ve seen him surf at some of those indoor wave pools. He’s really incredible,” she told The Pasadenoid.

But the world will never know. Just like the world will never know that I’m the one who actually killed John Lennon,” she added.

“Oops…uh…you guys should probably leave now,” she said.

› tags: mental illness / surfing /