Mayor Announces Creation Of Task Force To Find His Missing Dog

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May 30, 2015 - Local / Uncategorized

Press officials at the Office of Mayor Sanchez announced today they would be activating a Lever 3 Emergency Response following the disappearance of his family’s beloved mutt, Bark Anthony III.

The request provides tax-payer funded relief for disasters, including up to $14 million dollars to dedicate to the cause. Officials say the coalition will be led by Sanchez’s 9-year-old niece Gabriela, a student at North Lake Elementary.

“We want to spend all the money,” she said in an interview.

“We have planes, and missiles, and…uh, satellites. It’s gonna be like, haha, so crazy,” she said.

Mayor Sanchez, speaking at a luncheon, told reporters he was stunned that city council would not pass measures to provide additional aid to the cause.

“Are we really going to squabble about numbers when lives are at stake?!” he asked presumably to them, though they weren’t in the room at the time.

“WHAT IS SO RIDICULOUS ABOUT $200 MILLION?! WHAT?!” he added as restaurant management had to escort him out of the restaurant.

Councilman Dan Green told reporters he will refuse to vote for any measure that provides additional money to the cause.

“Where was he when Scruffy fell into that mine shaft?!” he asked.

Officials have posted job opportunities on the mayor’s website within the new coalition. Listings include, “Osmology Expert”, “Radiation Technician”, and “General Laborer/Bombardier”.

Council will debate the issue in a public hearing next week, as today all members are attending a field trip at Disneyland.

In the meantime, coalition forces will begin conducting mandatory property inspections this evening.

› tags: Mayor Sanchez / politics / spending /