Man Uses Ancestry.com To Determine He’s A Huge Disappointment
May 14, 2016 - Local
According to sources, local accountant Brad Humphries utilized Ancestry.com to determine he is not coming close to living up to his genetic potential.
After discovering he was a direct descendant of such notable figures as Prince Charles II, Thomas Jefferson, and Mickey Mantle, Humpries realized he was in fact a huge disappointment.
“Wow…I must have some pretty great genes,” said the man who is also a blood relative of Mozart.
“It kind of makes me wonder if…I don’t know…I could have been better?”
His mother Gertrude says she always knew Brad was a huge disappointment.
“Forget Betsy Ross…even his dumbass sister got into Dartmouth,” she told reporters.
“His problem is that he has no self-confidence and he’s really fuckin’ stupid.” she added.