Make-A-Wish Conducting Military Exercises Under Orders From Evil Little Girl With Melanoma

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July 5, 2015 - Universe

The Pasadenoid has confirmed that the Make-A-Wish foundation is conducting military exercises in the Mojave desert under the orders of a wicked and terminally ill toddler.

Reports suggest the foundation is acting under the direction of Tamara Hoffman, 9, of Santa Fe, New Mexico. Hoffman has a severe form of melanoma and was selected by the organization to have her greatest wish fulfilled with the support of donors.

But it appears Hoffman has utilized this position of power to build a military force in the organization’s name.  Her mom confirmed such details in an interview.

“She always had a fascination with maps and military history. But I never thought she would attempt something like world conquest,” she said.

“There were clues though. I found maps in her room that redrew several Southwest states and half of Mexico as ‘TamaraLand: Part 1′. And I guess when she wrote that story for school about using robotic bee drones to control a population I probably should have realized this was an issue,” she added.

Reports from inside the compound suggest that aside from robotic bee drones, Hoffman’s army is experimenting with chemical weapons, advanced hacking techniques, and lasers.

Lt. Oswald Preston with the U.S. Department of Defense told The Pasadenoid that they are “aware of a situation in the desert” and are currently evaluating the potential threat.

“This is something the government is monitoring very closely,” he said.

In the meantime, Hoffman has set up a GoFundMe site for those who wish to contribute to her campaign. Donors can receive gifts based on the size of their donation, such as pens, t-shirts, sparing of life following the Grand War, a travel mug, and lordship over a territory in the New Regime.