Local Man’s Penis To Be Featured In Hellish Life Experience

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January 20, 2015 - Local

According to local fortune-tellers, Pasadena resident Jeff Brooks’ penis will be featured in an upcoming hellish life experience involving a wooden rocking horse and a metal fence.

While the sources would not comment on the exact nature of the incident, citing squeamishness, they nonetheless insisted that this will be a dramatic circumstance for the penis.

“Jeff’s penis has been featured in a number of both comical and disturbing life incidents, but we are certain this one will stand out above the others as being particularly horrible and traumatizing,” said Meryl Atkins of Lake Ave Vibes Co.

“We know it will take quite a performance from Jeff to make it out of this one.”

Jeff has not commented on the announcement, though his brother provided a comment from the Brooks family on his surfing blog:

We as a family are wishing Jeff’s penis the best in his upcoming role. All of us, but especially Jeff’s wife Margot, are confident that another injury to Jeff’s penis couldn’t do that much more damage to his sexual performance.

The ocean report is calling for some nice swells in the morning all around the south bay but especially in Mission Beach. There has been 6′ waves in Malibu through the week as well, but remember to be careful of fishermen casting from the pier.