Just Checking That When Pot Is Legal In California You’ll Continue Using Sketchy Sammy’s Services?

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May 5, 2016 - Local

By Sketchy Sammy, Altadena

Hey man, listen. I’ve been hearing a lot about an initiative to legalize marijuana in California. That’s pretty dope and all, but I just wanted to check in and make sure you remember who has helped you out all these years.

I know I probably shouldn’t be concerned, but with legalization comes cheaper prices, better-quality marijuana, and great customer service. Technically, you won’t need to rely on me…so just wanted to triple check and make sure we’re still good. We’re still good right?

We’ve been through a lot together. Remember that time you needed weed for your brother’s bachelor party, and I came through for you? Even though I didn’t answer your text for 14 hours, and I had you meet me at my friend’s party in Riverside at 4:30am? I really helped you out that time.

And who could forget that time I accidentally sold you that weed laced with methamphetamine? Haha, that was classic. You were bugging out so hard when you were having those seizures. Good times.

And don’t forget about our road trip! Remember? It was that time you hopped in my van for a quick deal but then I told you I didn’t actually have it yet and we’d need to drive to San Rafael to go get it? And you said you didn’t want to go so I had to point my pistol at you the whole way up? And when we got there we found ourselves in a 3-way gun battle with the DEA and those cartel members?

And you got shot in the ribcage and I panicked and ran away, leaving you to bleed out, until you miraculously were able to crawl back to my pickup, to find me there eating In-N’-Out? And I wouldn’t let you in the car because I didn’t want blood to get on the upholstery?

And you flipped out and starting slashing my tires with a pocket knife? And I called the Marin County Sheriff who had you booked for making threats and assault with a deadly weapon? And they also got you on drug charges because I planted all that heroin on you? And I told your mom you were dead because I got too high and thought that would make sense for some reason?

We go way back. So when November rolls around and Jerry Brown decides to legalize the sticky icky, I hope you don’t forget all we’ve been through. Sketchy Sammy will continue to provide you the same quality service you’ve come to expect from me from our years of doing business together.

BTW I’m all out right now but if you hit me up in a week or so my main hookup is getting some sweet new bud from New Mexico. I’ll definitely call you back when he’s back in town.

 

› tags: drugs / jerry brown / marijuana /