Job Board: March
March 4, 2016 - Local
Assistant Executive To The Director’s Assistant
We’re keeping the title as vague as possible because the actual job involves cleaning up horse vomit.
Product-Tester With Limited Legal Knowledge
We need someone who can come in here, sign the paperwork without reading it, and be injected with several cosmetic products. We are committed to diversity and will therefore accept undocumented immigrants for this position.
Wizard To Retrieve Chris Christie’s Soul From The Devil
I am a politician who signed a deeply regrettable contract with Satan. If you could get down to Hell and cancel this thing that would be great.
I am a rageoholic seeking an experienced manager to come in and take control of these emotions. Do I kick another hole in the wall or break down and start sobbing? That’s for you to decide.
Here’s the deal. I’m trying to impress this chick and her kid says for his birthday he wanted a “pasta magician”. What the hell is that? Is that a real thing? Do you just pull like, linguine out of a hat? If you know anything about this please give me a call, thanks.