Job Board: December

job board

December 14, 2015 - Local / Uncategorized

Mole-Tickler

We are a university laboratory studying the effects of laughter on moles. The ideal tickler will be able to use a comically-sized pink feather to tickle our laboratory moles upon command. Experience required.

Jimmy Kimmel Look-A-Like

Group looking for candidate with identical appearance to Jimmy Kimmel. Must not ask questions. Must be comfortable with fluid situations involving law enforcement.

Dictator

Small country with years of fragile democracy looking for new leader to corrupt government. Public-speaking skills a must. The ideal candidate will be able to rile up a crowd with paranoid rhetoric.

Clipboard Holder-Holder

Taskmaster seeks adequate human to perform incredibly mundane job.

Camp Counselor

Local summer camp in need of preteens willing to work illegally for long hours with no benefits or vacation time. No unions. Must love working with kids!

De-Egger

We need to de-egg this place, and fast. Are you the right candidate for the job?

Stereotyped Product Spokesperson

We are a company interested in making some kind of culturally-offensive product with a stereotyped mascot. We haven’t decided what it will be yet…perhaps biscuits made by an old black slave woman? Or chopsticks created by a Japanese man with buck teeth? We’re open to suggestions here.

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