Jackass to Have Hospital Wing Named After Him
July 9, 2014 - Local
The Huntington Memorial Hospital in Pasadena has announced that their brand new 100 million dollar radiology wing will be named after their highest donor, local jackass Evan Thompson.
“Awww right! Fuck yeah bitches!” Thompson told reporters from his home shortly after the announcement.
Thompson is the son of wealthy entrepreneur S. S. Thompson, who Evan specifies “is not a boat.” Evan says he used money his father gave to him to donate to Huntington.
“When my dad gave me 36 million dollars for my 19th birthday, I knew I shouldn’t spend it all on weed and beer dispenser hats,” he said in an exclusive interview with The Pasadenoid.
“So I decided to give some money to a hospital or some shit. I don’t remember it well because I was blackout when I did it.”
In a ribbon-cutting ceremony yesterday, Thompson delivered a nonsensical rant while wearing a neon green tank top and no pants.
“In America we have to fight for freedom! This is the dawn of a new beginning! Keep those penguins away from our banks!!” he said.
A hospital spokesperson says the wing will be open in 2017. It will feature a statue of Thompson wearing one of his beer-hats and giving two thumbs up.