ISIS Vows To Destroy Michael Keaton For Disobeying Sharia Law
In a newly released video, a representative from ISIS announced the group’s intention to destroy actor/producer Michael Keaton for his failure to obey the holy Sharia Law.
“Through his lifetime, Michael Keaton has failed at every instance to practice Islam in the Sharia tradition,” said Abdul Malehi in the video.
“In fact, Michael has not practiced any kind of Islam during a successful 30+ year career in comedy and entertainment,” he added.
Keaton was not available for comment, but his agent Norm Porchok told The Pasadenoid the claims are obscene and ludicrous.
“These people are absolute nutjobs. Mikey’s practiced Sharia Law plenty of times. I’d say as recently as last Thursday. And he goes to Mosque every Sunday with Bon Jovi,” he said.
“Some folks just want to tear down a great. Michael Keaton has done wonders for Hollywood, the United States, and ISIS. But sometimes when a pathetic group wants attention they’ll go after the King.”
Foreign intelligence specialist said while they know of no specific threat against Keaton, his movies and other work has been banned in ISIS-controlled territory. That means thousands of men and women in areas of Syria and Iraq will not have access to films like ‘Night Shift’ and ‘Jack Frost’, as well as TV specials like ‘Fred Rogers: America’s Favorite Neighbor’.