ISIS Soldier Not Bright Enough To Follow Sharia Law


December 18, 2014 - Universe

Citing a number of accidental grievances against the Islamic State, commanding officers in Raqqa told reporters that ISIS soldier Abdullah Hashemi is not intelligent enough to practice strict Sharia law, a specific code of Islam that the group expects all humans, plants, and robots to follow.

“If Hashemi is not forgetting to bless his meal, he’s taking his wife out in public with her burqa on backward,” said Hashemi’s squadron leader Mishaari Kaatib, who admitted the bumbling man appears to be trying his best but consistently fails to conform his livelihood to the absurdly specific codes of the holy law.

“I guess some people just don’t have the intelligence to live a pure life,” he added.

At press time, officers reported that the “moronic” Hashemi disappointed them once again when he failed to kneel properly during his beheading ceremony.