Editorial: I Make A Mean, Dirty, Nasty Meatloaf

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March 23, 2018 - Local

by John Smote, Monrovia.

Mmmm. Smell that? You guessed it. Daddy’s got a meatloaf going tonight. His special recipe. You know the one I’m talking about.

This meatloaf is mean. It is straight up cruel. It’s the kind of meatloaf who would dump you on prom night. Or host a poker night and rig it. This meatloaf might stop you on the street, asking for directions to the nearest sprinkler store, then spit all over your face when you replied. This meatloaf has the moral depravity to kidnap children.

You better believe this meatloaf is nasty too. Sour and stinky. Oozing with chunky gravy. It looks like the aftermath of a volcano, but if you were to replace the lava with vomit. This meatloaf is designed (carefully, I might add) to be absolutely detestable to each of the human senses based on biological underpinnings. It’s revolting.

And don’t get me started on how dirty this meatloaf is. It’s covered with dust and mildew. And insects, I think. I rolled it around the dirt near the ant hill out back. Then I stepped on it with my golf shoes. Then I had the dog take a crap on it.

This meatloaf is sick. This meatloaf is deranged. This meat loaf is flat out fucked up.

Time for dinner kids.

 

 

› tags: cooking / illness /