Guess Who Just Did A Mothafucking Handstand?


June 11, 2014 - Local

Awwwww shit! You bitches see that? Did ANY of you mothafucking bitches see that? Shut it down. Just shut it down. Wrap it up because this shit is over. It’s over. I just changed the game.

I just did a mothafucking handstand.

Y’all scared? Y’all look shook, Gymboree of South Pasadena. And with good fuckin’ reason, too. Ain’t none of you mothafuckas saw that coming. I’m only in Gym Play & Learn 3. Yeah, that’s right, for 10-16 month olds. And I just did a mothafucking handstand.

I’ve been on my grind long before you heard of me. Object permanence? Locked that shit up months ago. Crawling? Bitch, I’m halfway to walking on my own.

And let’s not forget that I just dropped my first word last week. People are going apeshit over the way I say, “Cow.” Nobody says cow like me. Nobody.

So today I took it up another fucking level. I put my hands on the ground, put the top of my head on the ground so I was seeing upside down and shit, and then I did it. I kicked my legs up for a little over a second before they came down. I felt like I was flying. And I was flying. Because I’m a god. Worship the ground I walk on with my hands.

I see you in the corner, Clara! I see you trying to kick your legs in the air, but only being able to kick one at a time. You can look like me, but you’ll never be like me. There’s only one, Clara, and you are a witness. You are all witnesses.

How did I know I had elevated that handstand game to new heights? Didn’t take less than a second after I was done for the reviews to come pouring in. “Yay! You did it, Lila! You did a handstand!” said Mommy. Then Kevin from Gymboree was all like, “Great job, Lila! Gimme five!”

But I can’t let this success go to my head. That’s not how I was raised. I gotta stay on my grind. I need a follow-up. I know it sounds crazy, but I bet I could do it again. Doing it once? Yeah, that’s a trick. That’s a damn good trick, too. But twice? Immortality.

So I’m gonna keep moving forward. I’m gonna stay humble. I’m gonna keep my eyes on the prize and-

Holy shit, did Clara just do a mothafucking cartwheel?