“Good Samaritan” Actually Total Dipshit

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February 13, 2016 - Uncategorized

According to sources close to the matter, a local man who authorities say called 911 when he witnessed a car collision on the 91 freeway is a total jerk.

“We’re gonna call the guy who punched me to get ahead in line at Arby’s a ‘Good Samaritan’? Oh hell no,” said local accountant Lisa Davis.

The man, Ronald Darby of Altadena, is said to have helped responders get to the scene in time to save the driver’s life. But his girlfriend Tamara says he is still an asshole.

“This is a man who regularly spends his Saturdays cursing at children riding the train by themselves. This is not a nice man at all,” she toldĀ The Pasadenoid.

Even Ronald’s mother Debra agrees with the consensus opinion on her son.

“Let’s be honest. Ronald ain’t ‘Good’ at nothin’,” she said.