God: Actors Playing Family In Verizon Commercial Will Burn In Hell For Eternity
May 8, 2016 - Universe
According to sources, a group of actors portraying a family in a Verizon commercial will be forced to live out their afterlife in the bowels of hell.
“What have I done?!” asked Tommy Reynolds, who played a young tech-savvy son in the commercial before being sent to hell to suffer for eternity.
“All I said was, ‘Plus at speeds of 300 mbps I can play online while mom uploads her photos’. Was that really so wrong?” he asked.
In a statement to the press, God said he was just flipping channels when he saw the advertisement and decided to take action.
“Yes, it is so wrong Tommy. And you can spend the rest of your existence learning why,” he said.
“I don’t care if these fuckers are just trying to further their careers. I’m sick of this bullshit,” he told reporters.
“I have a new rule. You go on TV and act like a corporate shill, you burn in hell. Got it? Good.”