Editorial: Why Plan The Rose Parade When We Can Sit At Home And Get High Instead?

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November 20, 2014 - Local

by Jack Horton, Pasadena resident since 1908

To my fellow citizens,

Every year, the Rose Parade brings out the best in our town. Citizens come together to prepare Pasadena for a spectacle of wonder and pride that brings in tourists from across the globe to our humble town.

For over 100 years Pasadena has held the Rose Parade in a more-or-less similar fashion. Amazing floats, beautiful decorations, it never seems to change. That’s why this year, I think we should try something different. Something bold. Something new.

This year, instead of planning the Rose Parade, I think we should come together as a town and all sit around at home smoking weed and watching television.

Now, I know some may find this idea appalling. But hear me out on a couple of reasons why this is an excellent idea:

1. We won’t have to do anything

What sounds easier: building floats and cleaning the town or sitting around at home getting high. There’s no debate. Let’s just put on some music and kick it this winter instead of getting ourselves all worked up about this parade.

2. Lots of great shows on Netflix right now

Have you guys seen the new season of Homeland? Soooo good. And there’s a new documentary about ghost towns which was pretty awesome. Our town needs to catch up on these quality programs, and it will take some serious binge-watching to do so.

3. It will benefit Pasadena’s struggling medical marijuana industry

Dealers will be forced to leave their shithole setups in Eagle Rock and finally provide Pasadena with some locally-grown quality bud.

4. Outsiders might not even notice

If we never bring it up people might forget about the whole damn thing this year…then next year we can start it up again like nothing happened. Nashville did this with the Country Music Awards in ’03 and pulled it off spectacularly.

So that’s my thoughts on the matter. Sure, putting in a bunch of hard work for one majestic day is usually a wonderful effort. But this year…

Eh…let’s just say ‘screw it’ and get high.

Already getting started,

Jack Horton