Editorial: Where Have I Been? Well, Definitely Not In Lewisberg, VA On February 22nd, 2017! Nope!
April 21, 2018 - Local
by Meg Davis, Pasadena
Hey everybody! So good to see you again! Yes, it’s me, Meg Davis. The girl who owns the discount laundromat on Lake, where your clothes always come back smelling like feet. Yep, it’s really me!
I’ve had a lot of people coming up to me and asking needlessly probing questions about where I’ve been for the last three years. So I’ve penned this editorial to clear a few things up:
1. I was skiing
—That’s where I’ve been. An extended ski trip. All across the country. Yes, that will do.
2. This was a lawful trip
—There was nothing illicit going on during this trip! Yep, just some good old-fashioned lawful fun on the mountainside.
And finally, and most importantly…
3. I was definitely NOT in Lewisberg, Virginia on February 22nd, 2017
—Nope! No matter what you may think, overhear, or see on television, I was not at here at all on that day! I was skiing in nearby Johnstown, Virginia. In fact, I’ve never been there at all. I would post a picture of the front of my passport, but that wouldn’t make any sense in this situation so I won’t. I’m not a fucking idiot.
I hope that clears everything up. So next time we see each other on the steet, we don’t have to go into all this! That would be ideal. Maybe we could talk about what someone else was doing at 11:47 PM on that fateful night last February. Wouldn’t that be a hoot?
So thanks for your understanding in all this. Especially you, my good friend and next-door neighbor, special agent Zach Deggers.
P.S. – I’m still working on the foot-smell issue but it’s kind of buried on my to-do list, due to the fact that I killed that gu- I mean killed those…ski…trails…in a non-murdery way. Shut up Zach. You have nothing on me and you know it. And give me back my wheelbarrow. I don’t see how it could possibly be “evidence.”