Editorial: Where Do I Get Some Of These Drugs The Kids Are On?

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February 18, 2016 - Local

by Hubert Land, Pasadena

Excuse me? Can you help out a clueless old geezer here? I need to find some good drugs…not the ones my shit doctor is shoving down my throat, I need some good strong drugs like the kids are using these days.

Does anyone know a good hookup?

I have all sorts of ailments; knee pain, back pain,  jaundice,  pirate’s knuckle, a splinter stuck in between my toes, general confusion, and the curse I got from that Vietnamese carnival-worker are among some of my less bothersome maladies.

So I don’t have time to waste with these damn ‘FDA-Approved’ souped-up Tylenols. Dr. Lindsey must think I’m some kind of prude. I need something that’s gonna kick the shit out of these disorders. I need some crazy psychological stuff that’s gonna drive the bonkers right out of this beat-up noggin of mine.

What’s Tom Cruise on these days? Seems like he’s getting the right cocktail mix if you know what I mean.

So anyway, my grandchildren don’t know how to party (they brought me wine-coolers) and the best here I can get at the retirement home is shitty and expensive ecstasy or whatever bleach I can inhale right after they’re done cleaning the bathrooms. Needless to say its a pretty desperate situation.

Thank you for any help you may be able to provide,

Hubert Land

Pasadena, CA

P.S. Dr. Lindsey if you’re reading this stop balking and give me the goddam Pernipherol poppa’s flaring up again and needs his goods.

› tags: drugs / elderly /