Editorial: Top 5 Spookiest Places In Pasadena
by Frank Smalls, Pasadena
5. My ex-wife’s car
God did she keep this thing dirty. Yuck! Go in there and you’re bound to be scared off by things like hair, lint, and old Starbursts. Stay away!
4. My ex-wife’s shoe closet
This place was even more disgusting! You’ll be spooked out by the giant spiders that must live there based on the size of the cobwebs in that space.
3. My ex-wife’s brain
Who would have thought there could be such a terrifying place as my ex-wife’s brain? In this spooky alternate-universe, everyone is selfish and stupid but her. I’m terrified!
2. Pasadena graveyard
Tombstones and other dead people stuff.
1. My ex-wife’s future
Based on her decision-making so far in life, this place is bound to be one of the scariest places ever! Will she end up destitute because she spent all her money on that timeshare? Or will it end with her realizing she made the biggest mistake of her life when she left her dedicated husband for an Alaskan elk hunter who has no skills translatable to the modern world. But who cares! Plenty of elk to eat! That makes sense, right?