Editorial: To Win In November, Democrats Must Concentrate On Persuasion

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June 1, 2018 - Universe

By Staunch Liberal Thurbert Huxton Jones IV (Born 1822)

The Republican is a brutish rural creature.

Yes, it is true.

He is unlearned in the science of chivalry and birth control. He takes weaponry as a false idol. He abhors the spirit of generosity toward strangers. He disdains knowledge, rejects the advancement of Man, and abodes in decrepit villages and monotonous exurbs.

He is, in short, undeveloped.

Yet, we – the Learned Cosmopolitan Elites Of The United States – have found our fates tied to this curious tribe.

We cannot ignore it.

So we have asked each other, “Can the Republican be civilized?”

I stand here before you to say, ‘yes.’

The American is no stranger to transporting the spirit of Democracy and Civilization to uncivilized lands and we will do it once more. We tamed The West. We turned the German Nazi and the Japanese Imperialist into harmless, commercial peoples. We beat the Communist’s swords into plowshares and did our best in Iraq.

I say to you that the Republican is no less possessing of a soul and brain than any Man created under God. He is simply uneducated.

We will go into their heartland. We will persuade them to choose able leaders to rule them. We will force healthcare upon their women, and universal pre-k upon their very children.

It can be done.

It must be done.

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