Editorial: Things I’ve Learned While Drunk During This Dental Exam

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March 18, 2016 - Local

by Clive Rufus, Altadena

6. I’m Just Going To Drool Everywhere

You know what, they’re basically asking for it. Pokin’ me and proddin’ me all over my gums. Well if that’s they want, so be it. It’s about to flow like Niagara Falls in here.

5. Doctor’s Going On About Something

What is he yakin’ about anyway? Periodontitis? This is supposed to be a dental exam not a lecture on dinosaurs. This guy is startin’ to piss me off.

4. Other Patients Vary in Level Of Attractiveness

It’s hard to tell cause most folks are sitting with their mouth open with dental machinery inside of them. But sometimes you can just spot a hottie regardless.

3. Should Have Gotten More Drunk

Man, I really regret not having 3 or 4 extra beers before coming to this place. 15 was clearly not enough to enjoy myself.

2. Dentistry Is A Bizarre Field

Why do these people enjoy sticking their fingers in people’s mouths all day? Must take a strange kind of person to get into that. Maybe I could get into that?

1. Might Doze Off 

I never thought I could fall asleep with my mouth open but I’m feeling pretty sleepy. I’ll just rest my eyes for a few moments…

 

› tags: alcoholism / dentistry /