Editorial: Stop Asking Questions And Eat The Damn Stuff

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February 12, 2016 - Uncategorized

by Hugh Grant, CEO of Monsanto

Alright, people. Let’s quit it with all the questions. The unending criticism. The “investigations” and “scientific studies.” The slander against Monsanto and the wonderful Food © they provide needs to stop at this moment. 

Instead, you all just need to eat the damn stuff.

Let’s be honest. You don’t really care about the specific nutrients, ingredients, and level of radioactivity in your food. You don’t care about how my company is making you sick and die. You just want to eat french fries with ketchup. Mmmmm. French fries…golden brown….with sweet delicious ketchup.

Put the food in your mouth. 

Let’s just stop this silly charade, ok? The day I see broccoli as the most consumed food in the country, maybe I’ll listen to you. But for now, you get what you want: Papa John’s. So do me a favor and do two things to make all of our lives a whole lot less complicated:

1. Shut the fuck up

2. Call Papa John’s and order a shit-ton of food and stuff it in your face.

Thank you for your understanding in this matter,

Hugh Grant

CEO – Monsanto

No, not that Hugh Grant

 

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