Editorial: Spring Updates To New Year’s Resolutions
April 30, 2018 - Local
by Jim Stanley, Altadena
1. Exercise more
-I jogged three times in January, once in February, and have gained 18 pounds since March.
2. Give up drinking
-And then Jessica’s Bat Mitzvah happened. Yikes.
3. Apologize to Diane for stealing her gardening equiptment
-Who am I, Superman? Never should have promised this.
4. Clean the rats out of the gutter.
-Don’t know why this was on the list in the first place. Not causing any severe issues right now…
5. Fix things with Margaret
-She died. And according to the Visalia Police Department it wasn’t my fault. Since we’re not fighting anymore I might count this one was a win.
6. Try speed-dating
-My last date ended within 30 seconds of me using the word “clambake”, so I think that counts.
7. Climb Machu Picchu
-Geez, I can be a real pretentious jerk sometimes.
6. Give up binge-eating mothballs while writing humor editorials