Editorial: See That Basketball Player There? That’s My Nephew!


June 7, 2015 - Uncategorized / Universe

by Reuben Waldenstein, Monrovia 

Hey! Hey everyone! Come here, quick! Take a look at the television set.

See that basketball player right there? The one on the left side of the screen?

That’s my nephew, Herbert!

Isn’t that something? My own nephew playing basketball on the television! I remember when he was a kid practicing on the hoop in the driveway and now he’s on television playing in front of the world!

And it looks like this is some sort of championship? Of course it is! That’s Herbet for you! Always exceeding expectations.

Look at him go! See him there? Number 23 of Cleveland’s squad. Gee, he’s fast. Looking good, Herbert!

He’s such a good boy. And good to his uncle too. He calls me on my birthday every year. Never forgets! Is that a good nephew or what?

Go Herbie! Dribble the ball! There you go! Shoot, score! Woohoo! Here we go, Zephyrs, here we go!

They call him the Tornado from Tuscon. That’s because when he was in high school he scored 100 points during the worst tornado of the century! You should have seen it. Best basketball performance I’ve ever seen.

What’s that Mildred? Who? No, no, no. You have no idea what you’re talking about. You know nothing about basketball.

You’ll see when he comes to visit me on my birthday this year. You’ll all see. He’ll bring a few of his trophies.This will be the year little Herbie finally comes and visits his uncle, and you’ll all realize you’re a bunch of liars.

Oh shut up, Mildred. You’re just bitter because all of your family members died in that plane crash. No one feels sorry for you anymore, you know.What do you mean that was my family? What the hell are you talking about?

I don’t have time for this nonsense. I want to see who wins this game.

Come on, Herbie. We’ll show them. Do it for Uncle Reuben. Do it for the Jewish community back in Tuscon. And the flight crew and air traffic controllers who did everything to save you, your siblings, and your parents from that horrible tragic incident.

You’re a wonderful nephew, Herbie Reubenstein.

And one hell of a baller.