Editorial: Men Don’t Rape Women, Locker Rooms Do


October 10, 2016 - Uncategorized

By Clive Lewis, Altadena

It seems like everyone is offering their opinion on the latest Trump comments. And since I’m an asshole with a computer, it’s my turn to share my thoughts with you.

So here it is: Men don’t rape women, locker rooms do.

That’s right, I said it. And it is a fact of life. Men aren’t capable of choosing to rape a woman. Men are strong, noble creatures who are incapable of doing anything wrong to a woman ever. Check history and you’ll find that there has never been a documented case of a man committing such an atrocity as rape.

But then locker rooms get involved. Bad, nasty places that smell like sweat and feet. This vile milieu inspires wicked talk among men, and makes them do evil things when they leave the sinister environment. It is a depraved place that would blacken the heart of even Jesus if he were to spend time there.

Locker rooms are essentially Satan’s vehicle to wreak havoc on womankind. He lives in the walls, the floor, the lockers. He breathes hatred into any sports team who happens to be using the facility before or after a game. Anyone who has ever been inside a locker room can attest to this fact.

With this in mind, I have a simple solution to the problem of sexual assault. Get rid of the locker rooms. No more locker rooms, no more rape. There is no doubt in my mind this is a perfect and flawless solution to this problem.

So the next you hear someone talking about a person like Brock Turner, Donald Trump, or a convicted serial rapist, just remember that we only have one thing to blame for all the problems women face in the world:

Locker rooms.

Let’s burn them all down and finally rid of our world of all assault and injustice towards women.

› tags: brock turner / locker rooms / rape / sexual assault / trump /