Editorial: Maude! Maude!

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August 31, 2016 - Local

by Jake Smalls, Altadena

Maude! Maude! Maaaaa­ude! Get down here Maude, I got something to say. Maude?

MAUDE!!!!!

What’s that? I can’t….NO I CAN’T HEAR YOU! What? What?! Would you just come down here Maude? GOD DAMMIT MAUDE I SAID I CAN’T HEAR YOU WOULD YOU JUST COME DOWN HERE FOR ONE SEC­-

…what?! Coinstar in the Durango? What the hell does that….I SAID WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?! I swear to God almighty you must be losing it woman. Can you even hear me? MAUDE?!

Oh there you are honey I didn’t see you there. What are you doing crouched behind the sofa? I could of sworn you were upstairs. Anyway I just wanted to ask if you knew what time Craig needed to be dropped off at soccer practice. What’s that? I know he’s upstairs that’s why I wanted you to ask him….oh never mind.

Craig! CRAIG!!!