Editorial: La La Land Isn’t The Best Film Of The Year. It’s The Best Film Of All Time.
February 26, 2017 - Culture
by Johnny Hollywood, Academy Member
The Godfather. Casablanca. Gone With The Wind.
What do these classic films hold in common? Simple. They all suck in comparison to La La Land.
That’s right, I said it. La La Land should not get praise for being the best film of the year, instead it should be cherished as the greatest achievement in film-making of all time.
Why you ask? For one, Hollywood. As we all know, no one can make a decent film outside of Hollywood. I don’t know why people even bother making films in places like New York, India, or Burbank. Hollywood is the gold standard of film-making, and any film that takes place in it, or is about it, is one of the all-time greats.
Secondly, Ryan Gosling. He is super cute. It doesn’t matter that he can’t tap dance. If you’re gonna do an homage to an earlier era in film, it HAS to be sexy. Otherwise it’s a waste of time.
Thirdly, Hollywood. Hollywood is the greatest thing to ever happen to mankind in the history of planet earth. Probably in the history of the universe. Remember that song? “Hollywood! Da-da-da-da-da-da-da Hollywood!” That’s the best song of all time. There’s no debate about any of this stuff. So just shut up, everyone else.
Finally, white people make better films than any of the other races.
Whoaaa. Did I take it too far? I don’t care. This is Hollywood, bitch. We do whatever we want. Go fuck yourself.
We did it, baby!